It was recently brought to my attention that my blog is all about me. I looked back and it's true, I am the center of my own little world. There are other people in my little world; they don't call me "Mom" for nothing! This post is all about my blog-neglected teenager, Fenna.
Sometimes I forget that Fenna isn't really mine. She fits so well into our family that the family dynamic doesn't feel like it changed, it all just fits. She slipped into our family and found her place immediately and we're all quite comfortable. I do not encourage her to call me "Mom" but rather by my first name because I am not really her mom, I'm her host-parent. Exchange students are often told to call their host parents "Mom and Dad", but I like the distance that using first names provides. We are her hosts, not her parents.
Having her call us "Mom and Dad" would emphasize the a parent/child relationship in which she'd be the child. I already have enough of those! I think when a teenager is old enough and responsible enough to travel abroad for a year, she's old enough to be treated like a young adult rather than a child. So, we start with the names. I hope that using names instead of parenting titles is a good reminder that she is doing her own thing, independent, older, wiser, and all that jazz.
Of course, I am the mom of the house and I am her parent while she's here. I'm not shirking my duties by much just using my first name, just playing a little headgame with myself.
I think I neglect her in my blog because I don't want to spoil her fun of telling her parents and other stalkers about her grand adventures in America. So, I give her plenty of time to post on her own blog, or tell her people back home what she's been doing. By the time I have given her a chance to tell people before they hear it from me, then its old news and we've all moved on. That's my excuse anyway, and it sounds good so I'm going with it.
A typical day with Fenna starts like it always did with my older girls and our last exchange student. She gets up super early and gets herself ready for school, fends for herself for breakfast, packs her own lunch or snacks, takes her medicine and does her nebulizer treatment, finds her jacket where she tossed it the day before, gets her homework out of the printer and stuffs it in her bag... or not. I roll out of bed when she's almost ready, just looking for her shoes and trying to decide if it is an A or a B day; I slide into my slippers, grab my coffee and we head out the door. She looks fabulously awake and ready for the day (sometimes) and I am in my pajamas with my eyes barely open. We leave for school shortly after 7am and she's there by 7:15ish. Classes start at 7:30 so we are doing pretty good considering I'm not awake yet and getting anywhere on time is a life-long challenge for me.
According to the teen, this is very different from how her days started at home. She says that her mom kept her organized, laid out her breakfast, reminded her to take her meds, and made her the best sandwiches ever to take for lunch. This is what happens when a kid from a Type A family comes to live with a Type B family. I might even qualify as a Type B- personality. I try to pass it off as a cultural norm. "Yes, American moms drive their kids to school while wearing pajamas and pillow-hair." I think she's buying it.
I hear a lot of wonderful things about her mom. She sounds like the most wonderful lady in the Netherlands! I am not in the Netherlands which makes me exempt from any form of mom competition. Good thing too, I wouldn't win many awards. I hear that Fenna's mom is a wonderful chef, spotless housekeeper, has a successful career, did well in college, makes financially responsible decisions, is hyper-organized, generous, charitable, loving and kind. I'm fun.
To Fenna's mom: I promise to only believe half of what Fenna tells me about you if you promise to only believe half of what she tells you about me. Deal? The hard part of this deal will be wondering which half to believe!
Usually, I have a van full of runts when I pick Fenna up from school. As soon as we are on the street in front of the school, they are all pointing and screaming "Fenna's school!". They search for her in the mob of teenagers that pour out of the campus gates and when they see her they all bounce in their carseats screaming her name. The second she opens the door, there is complete silence. Every time! They are super excited to have her back with us and she misses out on all of it. Maybe they don't want her to know how happy they are to see her again. Six hours is a long time to the little ones. I think they miss her.
This kid has the lightest school schedule! I'm sure all of her friends are jealous. She really only has two classes, the rest of her schedule is fluff. Pretty nice since she's not interested in studying for hours every day after school. And, the fluffy classes give her a chance to learn life skills and develop interests in other areas besides lectures. She seems like a creative person and a hands-on type of student. I applaud her school counselor who recognized her personality right away and gave her a class schedule that fits. She has American Lit, American History, Video Production, Digital Photography, Foods, Drama and Dance. She had Colorguard too, recently she switched that class to Foods. The high school here provides a PE class period to all athletic teams so Colorguard was an actual class as well as an after school activity. She's having fun being an American High School student. I think she'll have a lot of fond memories of school.
Fenna has some pretty cool friends. They are a worldly bunch. Really! There are six official exchange students in the high school, and a few unofficial kids from various countries, their host siblings, native Californian friends, and kids from other local schools. They all like to hang out together, especially at the mall and the movies. They all seem like great young people so I'm not at all worried when she is hanging with her homies. I'm happy that we don't have a parade of boys knocking on the door. Fenna is cute, but the boys are keeping their distance. Maybe she took my "kick 'em in the balls" advice. They might be frightened. That's ok. She isn't a wild party girl neither. I can't even tell you all how much I appreciate her lack of a crazy irresponsible wild side! Whew!
When she's not in school or at the mall with her friends, she's mine mine mine all mine! What a lucky girl! She gets to tag along with me on my many adventures, or not. I leave it up to her but she usually comes along even when we are going somewhere that isn't very exciting for a teenager. She's really a good sport. We go to the park several times a week. Guess how many pictures I have of Fenna going down slides? No. More. More. You are getting closer, but I'll bet it's more.
Aside from visiting an outrageous number of parks, she's come with us on other outings too. Places we've been together include: Disneyland (6 times!), Knott's Berry Farm, San Diego Zoo, San Diego Safari Park, Balboa Park, Seaport Village, Scripps Aquarium, La Jolla beach, Sea World, Pumpkin Farm, Queen Califia's Magic Garden, Bainbridge Circle, hmm... that's about it. Unless you count the malls: Escondido Mall, Fashion Valley Mall, Promenade Mall, Dos Lagos, La Jolla UTC Mall... there may be more. We have more places to explore, more adventures ahead!
Since we are out and about a lot, we eat out a lot. I hear that people in Europe do not eat out very often. She loves to eat! I do too, so we're having fun trying lots of different eating establishments. We've been to Starbucks more times than I have been in all the years I've been in California. We've hit up every food court in every mall, ice cream shops, fast food, and my favorite the sit-down restaurants. We haven't been to a buffet yet; I'll be sure to take her so that she has a complete American dining experience.
It's fun having a teenager in the house again. I miss the teen girls being around. Keith and I both enjoy discussing the homework topics, hearing the quick-wit of a teen mind, and those one-liners just crack us up! She helps me out a lot too, which wasn't part of her exchange deal, but she does it anyway. Homework and chores aren't her favorite activities, but she makes up for it by helping me with the little kids. And when I thank her for helping, she usually doesn't realize she did much. Those little things are so nice though! She stays with the kids in the van while I hop out and run to the ATM, she opens the bathroom door for Libby when I 'm in the kitchen, she tells Charlie "No!" when my back is turned, she plays dolls, she watches Gracie when she is yelling "Watch this!" and she tells them "You can do it" when they are trying something new. I wanna keep her.
None of us are looking forward to June. We have to let her go back to the Netherlands whether we want her to go or not. Of course we don't want her to leave us! She's fun and funny and we love her! She loves us too. This has been the best exchange student experience we could have imagined, even better. I'm not just saying that because she's going to read this, we are all genuinely loving this year of having Fenna in our family. Now, if we could just get a decent family photo before she leaves, we'll be able to say we had the perfect year.
