Double the fun at the Orthodontist

I'm over a year into this orthodontic torture, and I've forgotten why I wanted straight teeth.

The other day I went to the orthodontist for my regular 4 week tweek.  Fenna and Gracie were at school, Charlie was at his dad's house, and so I only needed a sitter for Libby. None of my friends offered to take her except one, and she was pretty busy so I didn't want to add Libby to her busy day. I'm getting tired of trying to find a sitter every month for a 90 minute time slot.  I am starting to feel like I have to bed and plead. At first, my mama friends were eager to swap babysitting a little here and a little there, but they've gotten tired of that I guess. I'm going to have to start paying a real babysitter to cover my appointments. Anyway, I was lucky enough to get an offer from my next door neighbor and so Libby had a place to play while I went to the dentist. The neighbor has three dogs and so Libby was pretty excited to go to her puppy playdate. She took a bag of milkbones; she had a great time.

I told the sitter I'd be gone an hour, maybe a little more.  My appointment was at 10am and I'm usually done by 11am. Ok, off I went.

I arrived right at 10:00. I was called back at 10:50. Seriously? What was taking so long? They must think the clients have no lives; everyone has ample time to sit in the waiting room endlessly. And they must think people enjoy it.  Why else would I be there 50 freaking minutes?  So far, the appointment isn't going well.

Finally, I was called back to the torture chamber and I waited for so long that I was happy about it. Maybe that's why they make people wait so long. Clever trick!

Leonard is my favorite assistant. He's big and strong and quick; he's smart, polite and has skills. The girls that work in there are too afraid to hurt me so they take forever and that just hurts more. The orthodontist came and looked me over and told Leonard what to do. He said to put on four more brackets on my very back molars and then change the wires to a thicker one. Leonard questioned him on the wire size, said ok and he got to work. First thing first, I must have the cheek spreader on today. Oh no! Not that thing! My face does not spread out that far. I've been told I have a big mouth, but it's not big enough for the face spreader. Torture!

And then he crammed triangle wedges in my jaw. Those things hurt! He blew dry my teeth, scraped them a bit, rinse, blow dry again. Then he glued on the brackets. Oh that glue stinks! Even worse than Leonard's bubble gum smelling gloves! But, he finally got done installing more mechanics in my mouth and I was good to go. My mouth wasn't happy but I was glad to finally leave, at 11:30! yikes.

While driving away, Ping! One of the brackets popped right off! Seriously? Nooooo! I pulled over and applied a wad of wax to the end of the wire and spit out the bracket. Great, now I have the end of  a very sharp wire stabbing the back of my jaw.

I went and picked up Libby and offered her a picnic lunch at the park because she was such a good girl for my neighbor.  My neighbor taught her how to play angry birds and use a drawing program on her iphone. Great, spoil my kid, thanks. She claims she didn't, but my kid already knew how! Amazing, kids take to electronics so easily.

A Happy Meal, a picnic blanket and a park made the afternoon almost perfect. The wad of wax on the end of my wire would not stay put so I was being stabbed, but otherwise the day was looking up. Until the other upper bracket popped off. Now I was being stabbed by sharp wires on both sides of my mouth! Ouch! I tried using french fries as padding. They were getting mushy and bloody. That was just gross. I decided to call for another appointment, and it was going to have to be today.

The appointment desk said I could come in but I had to be there after 2pm and before 4pm, no way could I go at 2pm because I wouldn't have enough time before I had to do the school pick-up and that usually takes an hour. I told her I'd be there at 3:15. Yay, only three hours of being stabbed. Wait, yay? Ugh, these braces are making me crazy!

When I went to pick up the girls from school, Libby fell asleep in her carseat. This worked out great! When she is asleep, she's a floppy ragdoll. Fenna was kind enough to take Gracie to the Starbucks next door to the dentist while I put Miss Floppy in the stroller and went in. They took me straight back.

The lip spreader went back on and the triangle wedges shoved back in. My mouth was still sore and tired from the first round of torture and now I'm laying here doing it again. The orthodontist came by and I should note, he's not the regular guy, he's the alternate doc.  Leonard asked him if he should use a smaller wire since the larger wire was too strong and pulled the brackets off. The doc agreed, that was the problem. Geez, I'm laying here enduring a second torture and its all the dentist's fault. I remember my favorite teeth tweeker asked him about that earlier! Leonard worked fast with his stinky "fun flavored" gloves and stinky glue. Leonard rocks.

While I was laying in the chair in pain and trying not to gag, I thought to myself, "I should have gotten a boob job instead of braces. Same result: better looking. Faster. Probably less painful. And if I had a boob job, nobody would notice my crooked teeth."

A Visit from the Toothfairy

The toothfairy left me two crisp new ten dollar bills.  Cha-ching! I was hoping for a Benjamin, but a couple portraits of Alexander Hamilton will do just fine. Gracie was impressed.

I spent the week in nervous anxiety.  I tried to just stay busy so that I wouldn't have to think about it much.  It was a good way to dodge thoughts of the orthodontic hell that I am putting myself through.

The dentist and orthodontist both said, "this will be easy, a piece of cake, you'll be fine" and other lies like that. I saw right through them though and didn't believe.  Good thing too.  I asked my friends to babysit for me and had the whole day covered between two sitters.  That turned out to be another good thing, having two, because one didn't show up so the other one babysat all day.

Friday Doomsday came and I drug myself to the dentist's office. I had to sit in the waiting room for 45 minutes. Let the anxiety build, gee thanks. I grabbed a book from my purse and flipped through it.  I had with me today, "14,000 things to be happy about. The Happy Book by Barbara Ann Kipfer".  It's a thick paperback and it is literally a list of 14,000 happy things and happy thoughts. It is the perfect book for when you are in the dentist's lobby wondering why you don't just bolt outa there.

I finally was called back and I had this surge of relief that the waiting was over, and a wave of panic because it was time for my torture. Only the waiting wasn't over. I waited another 30 minutes back in the chair, facing the wall, no movie playing on the ceiling. 

The dentist finally came over and gave me a bunch of shots in my mouth.  OW!  Plus I am really needlephobic, so getting eight shots in my mouth was really hard for my frazzled nerves.  I think he could tell by the uncontrollable shaking that I was doing. I also kept my eyes shut tight!  He said he'd be back in ten minutes.

I was good and numb, and really I know that I'd rather have all the shots in my gums than feel any of the pain that would surely go along with extracting teeth that are too big and not in the mood to move. He came back and I told him that I have a strange request, but I want my teeth. He laughed and said, um, Ok.  I told him I have a 5 yr old and she wants the toothfairy to come for me, so yeah.. then he seemed to understand.  He said to open wide and immediately began yanking them out. 

The sensation was weird.  And, I could hear it.  It was sort of a suction sound followed by a pop.  Suuuuck Pop!  Suuuuuuck Pop!  Suuuuuuck Pop!  Suck Pop! 

Then the dentist shoved my new holes full of guaze and told me no smoking and no drinking with a straw. See you in two weeks.

With big eyes, the dental assistant asked me if I was ok.  I shook my head no.  I'm sure I was pale and looked like I'd just been through hell, maybe because I had been?  But I sure wasn't ready to get up and walk yet.  I was lightheaded and dizzy and I wanted to puke.  I was afraid if I stood up I would pass out. She handed me a packet of gauze and an envelope of teeth.

So, I stayed in the chair for a few minutes and then I swung my feet over the side and gathered up my purse.  The dentist came over and asked if I was ok.  I nodded yes.  He said "What do you want for pain? Tylenol with Codine? Vicodin?" I motioned yes, Vicodin.  I'm not even sure what Vicodin is but Tylenol with Codine makes me puke and I sure don't want to do that!  He gave me a prescription and an appointment card for a follow up check. 

I managed to get out to my van and then I just sat for a bit.  I changed my gauze and it was so nasty! I had a headache like no other, but my mouth didn't hurt.  Yet.

I drove to Rite Aid and dropped off my prescription.  I just dropped it off and left because, my numb mouth was full of gauze and blood. No idea if they would fill it without hearing me answer all of the insurance questions.

Then I went home.  I walked in the door and and straight up the stairs to my room and shut the door.  Gracie saw me come in but she didn't say much.  Libby was distracted, thank goodness!  She was doing a puzzle with the babysitter.  Whew!  I changed the guaze again and laid down.  I must have slept pretty hard because I didn't wake up until three hours later and I was a mess.  The numbness wore off too.  That wasn't good.  I couldn't figure out how to swallow any ibuprophen so I just tried not to move, maybe I could get back to sleep. And I did sleep more. 

Keith came home a little after 5:00 and woke me up to tell me that he's home and he relieved the babysitter.  Really, I think I could have heard this big news later. Oh well. Since I was pretty well rested, I grabbed my book off of the nightstand and read for a while.  I managed to take a drink of water and since I could do that, I swallowed some ibuprophen. Hopefully that will help because I was in a lot of pain!

I told him to go get my prescription. He said "What's it for?"  I said "Vicodin"  He replied, "I have a big bottle of that in the cupboard!".  Really?  What on earth?  And then he reminded me that I've never had it before and it might make me really loopy.  That's why he had it, because he only took one and didn't want any more of that stuff.  And, he said I wouldn't be able to feed Libby.  Ah, forgot about that.  Why isn't she weaned yet, ugh. I decided against the Vicodin.  

After a close inspection, Gracie helped me put my envelope of teeth on the nightstand next to my bed. She decided that the tooth fairy wouldn't want to dig around under my pillow while I'm sleeping on it. I agree, that is awkward.  She said she would sleep on the floor next to me in her camping spot to see if she could see the fairy. She wants to know if she glows in the dark.  She slept too soundly to find out though.  In the morning she hopped up and checked the table; sure enough there was some cash!  "Mom! Mom! The tooth fairy brought you TWO dollars!"  Her eyes were huge!

I spent the weekend very slowly milling around the house, napping, reading and swallowing ibuprophen. I didn't eat much, too hard to do that. But I had  plenty of water and lived on my fat reserves.  I knew I grew some lovely curves for a reason!  The girls had a Daddy weekend and they seemed to really enjoy it.  He read them lots of stories, he let them use him as a horse, he fed them (they always love anyone who feeds them), and he let them play in the dirt and take bubble baths. They would check in with me from time to time, but for the most part they left me alone to heal.  That was really nice.  I am more rested now than I have been in  years! 

It's been a week now and I'm still in pain.  I can't speak clearly, I can't eat anything but mush or pudding, and I am just in pain.  It's been a tough week but I can see that I'm healing.  And I have the tooth fairy cash to brighten my world.  Yay!

First Dentist Visits

Part I - Gracie's Visit

Gracie's dentist appointment, her very first because I'm freakishly nervous like that, went GREAT! Really!  The child is 5 years old now and has had teeth since she was 4.5 months old.  I remember the day her first teeth popped through very vididly.  We were packing up and heading out for our 3800 mile family roadtrip with a little chunky baby! And she picked that day to bust out her first two teeth. 

I felt she was as prepared as a kid could be for her first dental torture.  A dentist visited her preschool and they put on a little play about brushing teeth. She got to dress up like a tooth and "sugar-bugs" stuck to her.  Another day, I took her with me when I went to the orthodontist. She got to see the office and the chair and tools, and she watched me lay there and open my mouth for the dentist. 

Gracie loved her dentist visit! She was happy and laughing and loving all the attention they were paying to her. They cleaned her teeth, counted them, poked them, did xrays, and a flouride treatment. No cavities!

The entire time she was in the chair, she was staring at a movie on a tv that hung from the ceiling. All three of the kids were loving the movie on the ceiling. Libby and Charlie were cranking their necks so that they could see too.


The dentist was awesome. Very good with kids! I'll bet if he wasn't a dentist, he would be one of the Wiggles.  He must have a whole bunch of kids because he really understood how to talk to the kids and make the appointment wonderful.

The place was pretty cool! The kids loved it. Colorful paint on every wall, tv on the ceiling, toys and video games in the waiting room, children's books everywhere, and yet it wasn't over-stimulating. The kids were enchanted but not overwhelmed. Gracie got a little mermaid spinning toothbrush and each kid got a balloon. Libby was jealous that Gracie got a princess toothbrush and got to have her teeth tickled and she didn't! So, I made her an appt for tomorrow!

They loved it so much we're going back! I am beyond flabbergasted in such a good way!

Part II - Libby's Turn

Today was Libby's turn and she wanted to go and get a princess toothbrush like Gracie did. She was in a great mood, right up until she did a faceplant in the driveway and skinned up both of her knees and bumped her chin.

That was at 9am and the appointment was at 11am. Two solid hours of crying over skinned knees! I was pretty sure the dentist appointment was doomed. She snapped out of her bad mood as soon as we got there. Whew! Just in time to go to the dentist's and play in the waiting area. We had to wait a long time today, didn't get called back till 11:35. Then she remembered that she was crabby and started to cling and cry.

I only had Libby and Charlie this time because Gracie was at school.

So, she just had a quick eksam (oh great, now my letter eks won't work on my keyboard! just sound it out.) No eks-rays and no cleaning or fluoride treatment. Mainly because of her angziety (ok, who knew I used that letter so often). The dentist and I faced each other, knees together and we held Libby on our laps. Her head went in his lap and I held her hands and her body was in my lap. She cried, but he said this was the best hold for two year olds, it has the feeling of being safe and mom is holding her. True. She opened enough and he poked all of her teeth and flossed them. He said no cavities and he didn't think she needed a cleaning or fluoride at this time due to her behavior. He would rather she just have a quick and relatively easy appointment and we can do those things when she is ready. Sounded good to me.

He said her baby teeth are crowded. He sees orthodontic work in her future. She will need an ortho evaluation as soon as her permanent teeth start popping through at age 7 or 8. He said the earlier the better, before they set into the jaw bone (oh, like mine?)

She got to sit up and get a hug and she said "that was fun". She's two and already understands the fine art of sarcasm! I'm so proud!

We went back to reception and they had a Cinderella spinning toothbrush for her. She was so eksited!

Wax on, Wax off, repeat

I confess.  Six months ago I was out of my mind. Why did I get braces? 

On my last visit, the orthodontist suggested that 4 teeth come out.  So, he clipped my wires so that they are only on my front teeth and my doomed teeth were set free.  Did you catch that bit about the wire being snipped? 

I have sharp pointy wire ends poking me!  One side broke free of the rubber band and is now sticking out farther than the other three pokey ends.  This is uncomfortable to say the least. 

It popped off the bracket on Friday. Saturday I was too busy to deal with it. Guess what, the office is closed until Wednesday. I've been being stabbed in the face for five days now and I'm growing unhappy with the whole poking business.

I have some dental wax to paste over it, but every time I eat the wax falls off.  I think I've swallowed an entire candle by now. Ewww. I really don't like the feeling of the wax in the first place, it's kinda yucky, but at least it isn't poking me.  Now, if I could just quit losing my blob of wax!

Coming Soon: Orthodontic Hell!

I'm so excited!  NOT!

I went to the orthodontist today for my once a month tweek.  And the dentist gave me some bad news.  It's always weird when the dentist discusses my treatment with me while I'm laying down in the chair.  They tip me back really far and I almost wonder if I'll slide off and land on my head.  This is how I have serious conversations about my braces with my dentist.

He said that my teeth are stubborn.  Well, that's no surprise. I'm stubborn all over.

Hovering over me, he went on to say that my teeth are just too crowded and they cannot find the space they need. He thought they might be able to line up in my jaw, but it's not  happening like he'd hoped.  Therefore (yes, he said "therefore" while he wore his bubble gum smelly gloves) I need to have four teeth extracted.

There it is.  The word.  Extracted.  Extracted means grabbed with a claw-like pair of pliers, twisted and yanked out leaving a bloody hole.  Four extractions. One in each quadrant so that my teeth are balanced and I don't end up with my front teeth off to the side. Here's the good news:  they can do it today or anytime I'm ready!  Oh, goody. That is so delightful.

Two of these teeth just got fillings six months ago.  Why am I doing this again?  I should be careful what I wish for, because just the other day I was wishing I could get my braces off.  Now my wish is coming true. There will be four teeth getting the braces off! Ay, yiy, yih.  

This ought to really help the hillbilly in me really shine through.  Can you sense my excitement?  Not yet, huh?  Yeah, me neither.

 * Dental extraction tools from WWI in a museum somewhere. I hoisted this pic from the internet. Thank you, Google Image search and people who allow their photos to be shown publicly. Hopefully my dentist has more modern equipment.

I'm Spring Loaded!

Watch out, world!  I'm spring loaded!  Really!  The orthodontist put a spring in my braces.  Makes me look sproingy.  I feel like Tigger.   Tigger with aching teeth.

Today's dentist, or orthodontist, whatever, appointment started with an instant headache. As soon as I opened the door, and before I had a foot in the door the smell of the crowded lobby hit me like a plank to the head.  Apparently, everyone got cologne and perfume for Christmas and used it generously before going to the dentist today.  Holy Stink A Moley!  I checked in and took one of the very few empty chairs (the one closest to the door).  I began mouth-breathing and praying for a draft.  Geez, people!  While I was sitting there dying of second hand cologne poisoning I counted the people.  32.  Wow.  See if I ever make an appointment when kids are on a school break!

I sat there for a full 13 minutes before they called me back. Can  you believe I even survived that?  I'm so glad I took some Advil before I walked in.  Hopefully that took the edge off of the cologne poisoning headache. Whatever they do to me in the back room, it can't be as bad as sitting in the waiting area.  Egads.

First thing I said to the girl who came up to me with torture in her eyes was, "Unscented gloves please".  This sent them on a search that bought me a few minutes of peace.  And no way was I going to endure the horrible bubble gum scented gloves after sitting in the perfume cloud in the waiting room.  Luckily, the dental assistants weren't steeped in the stuff.

The gal took off my wires and my coffee stained rubber bands.  Oops.  I wonder if she noticed that Santa brought me a Phillips Sonicare Toothbrush and I've been using it for 3 whole days now.

Then the doc came over and looked at my teeth. He said they are moving into place nicely but they are just too crowded. Time to shave the lower row of teeth to make little bitty gaps for the lower teeth to have room to sit next to each other.  Shave?   Say what?  He took this little dremel tool with a little sander on it and ran it between my teeth.  Now that they are skinnier they should squeeze together and actually have room for all of them.  Hmm.  Hope that happens because it wasn't the most pleasant experience.  Although, it will sure be easier to floss for the next couple of weeks.  I told him I just started using the sonic toothbrush. He said that's good, that's what he uses.

It's the weirdest toothbrush because it vibrates at high speed!  You can't scrub with it, you just hold it next to your teeth while you pull your cheek away.  I have to pull my cheek away because it just is too much. It is supposed to be amazing, so we'll see how my next cleaning goes. Hopefully it will make a difference when it comes to scraping off the hard plaque and gunk.

After the doc was done with me, another guy came and put my new wires on.  According to him, I had baby wires.  These will be stronger and I should feel more pressure.  Oh goody.  Not only that, but he's adding a spring for that one tooth that is so far out of line that it can't be engaged in the wire yet.  Oh, ok.  So I imagined the spring going from the tooth to the wire, but that's not how it ended up.  This guy had trouble getting the new wires in and the new pearl colored rubber bands on.  He was all worried about my wincing and squinting.  You know, that's just how I am.  I make faces and tense up, it's just me.  Do your thing and get it done.  It does hurt when he applies a lot of pressure to each tooth, but if he'd hussle it up it would be done a lot faster and hurt a lot less. 

My next appointment is at the end of January.  Hopefully by then most everyone will have used up their Christmas Cologne.